You Make it Beautiful

 

I am a sinner. You’re a Savior. You take brokenness aside and make it beautiful.

He is not safe, but He is good.

I sit here amazed by God’s greatness.

As I look at where I was a year ago… 8 months ago… 3 months ago… I am moved to tears. God has brought me through some tough situations. Some that I would rather not relive but am SO blessed to have had. I wouldn’t of had this last year any other way. It taught me what true patience looks like. Through that I was able to fall in love with God all over again. To experience His peace and comfort is so pure and rare that I cannot put into words how it has covered me.

Lately, I have been reading in the Psalms. As I was reading today I was reminded of something my mentor said yesterday. She told me a story that comes from The Chronicles of Narnia to connect with something else she was saying. It was the part in the book where the girls leans over the stream to get a drink of water. Right before she gets a drink she looks up and sees a the lion standing there. It was then that she asked if there was another stream she could go to and the lion said, “No.” The best part is that there is only ONE stream and that is the stream of life through Christ.

You see the Lion represents God in the book. The thing that moved me about her telling me all this is when she mentioned the character of the Lion. The girl asked if He was safe the response was, “He isn’t safe, but He is good.”

GOD IS NOT SAFE BUT HE IS GOOD!!!!!! Ah! I love that. (seriously gives me goosebumps)

I have learned that when my prayers change my heart changes. I stopped praying to get a job constantly and simply yet boldly prayed, “Your will be done.” It was then that He made what felt impossible the possible. When my focus is on Him and NOT me I have more faith. My whole perspective changes. I am His and He is mine and that is ALL that matters!

My dear friends I challenge you to sit and listen to God. Not to present your requests or desires but to listen to what He is trying to tell you. It has been my challenge the last month and I know it takes practice. Try and turn off the outside noise and your inner monologue and just listen. He is wanting to talk with you.

Love you guys!

 

 

Eagle or Hummingbird?

I have been restless. I thought I was fine but I’m clearly not. I have been self medicating. I have been filling the empty spaces with “God things.” Going to church… multiple services. All the while avoiding community. I have attacked doing the “right things” in escape to truly HEAL. Sunday I attempted to attend 3 services in order to find my “home” church. Between meeting a friend and going to the second service of the day I was challenged not to go. To make the Gathering Network my home church. I left that conversation and headed to my car… I felt impaired. I could hardly move an inch. Jesus Culture played softly in the background as I stared at the clock. I sat there for what felt like seconds. It had been hours. I couldn’t move. I didn’t know why but I didn’t feel like I should go… then it hit me… GOD WANTED ME TO BE STILL.

I was so busy going to church services, catching up with people and spending time with my family that I couldn’t see the film and filth that was building over my eyes. I hadn’t cried in weeks. I broke down and allowed GOD to heal me. I sat for hours and filled page after page in my journal. I’ve been reading in Psalms a lot these last few weeks and ptL for David. Boy, can I relate.

I talked to one of my favorite people today… my friend and my mentor. I told her what had happened on Sunday and shortly after she said, “well, I had a vision yesterday and it wasn’t for me… it was for you.” I sat in silence. She proceeded to tell me that she saw an eagle soaring high in the sky.

She immediately thought of Isa. 40:28-31 which says,

²⁸ Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
³¹ but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

She then kept receiving the word “wooing.” Also for me. She told me that she felt like the eagle represented me and the wooing is what God was trying to do to me.

I was confused by the eagle part until she told me this…

She had once heard a woman in seminary preach about this comparison of an Eagle and a Hummingbird. She explained that eagles fly so high in the sky that they face rough winds and a lot of turbulence. However, when you look at an eagle they are always soaring with grace. You rarely see eagles flapping their wings rapidly. Eagles take rest in the strong winds and use it to help them fly.

Now, looking at a hummingbird you will notice that their wings flap rapidly and they have to work twice as hard just to stay afloat.

You see, before last Sunday I was the hummingbird. I was flapping my wings violently just to stay afloat. While I was spending my time doing “good things” they became distractions. It’s crazy to think but even going to church in that moment was a distraction.

God wanted me and me alone.

Since that day I have rested in the violent winds and turbulence. I don’t have to work for God’s love or affection. I don’t need to flap my wings violently just to stay afloat. God wants to carry me in this time. He wants me to rest in this hurt and pain that I feel. He wants to USE IT!

While this season in my life has been chaotic I have recognized my need for God… AGAIN. Don’t you love those times?? Seriously. When you have nothing to do but to RELY ON HIM!? It’s truly a beautiful thing. Scary. But beautiful.

Piece of advice: Sit back and let the wooing happen. He is trying to romance you wherever you are in life. He wants YOU. In my case it looked like this- Turn off your car, don’t go to church and sit down your Bible. It was truly a God moment.

For all you Bible scholars out there let’s not get our little prof panties in a bunch. I encourage the Word and believe it to be life changing. Yes, read it. Read it everyday. But every now and then… BE STILL. rest in Him.

I will hope in the Lord and let Him renew my strength. It is my hope that you will too.

Freedom and Rest will be found as I soar on wings like eagles.

 

Faithfulness

Regardless of today’s outcome I have seen God’s faithfulness. Even if I’m not offered either job that I interviewed for today I am sure of His faithfulness. I am sure of His unfailing love. I have been shown His creativeness to get my attention. My Father, my King, my Lover and my Friend has made his debut today. He has out shined any of the plans I could of made for myself these last few weeks. God is faithful and His timing is always better than mine. A lesson I’m sure I will continue to learn. I am such a planner and God is continually showing me that He is in control. He has ALL things work together for my good.

I am loved by the King and this song reminds me of that love…

My mentor once told me that no matter what happens in her life she could never deny God. He has shown up in her life too much. He has made himself too evident to her. She has experienced the presence of His love.

Today I encountered God in a real and tangible way. I am not in control.

Thank you for the reminder.

my prayer

these last few weeks…

they have been nothing short of agonizing, numbing, freeing, the turning of a page. true loss, true gain, and all in all a beautiful tragedy.

I hear you. I hear you tell me I am beautiful. That I am loved. That you have called me. Chosen me. Whisper your jealousy for me. That you crave my attention. I hear you.

“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.”       Proverbs 31:25

Lord, help me to WAKE UP. To be alive and not numb. To turn the noise around me off and slow down. Help me to breathe you in. More of you and less of me. This is my prayer to you. . .

stretch.

Stretch.

I looked up the definition of this word and this is what I found:  (of something soft or elastic) be made or be capable of being made longer or wider without tearing or breaking.

I am made to stretch. Capable of being stretched. Yes, in the physical sense but that’s not what I am referring to here. We as humans are made to stretch physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, etc.

I, as of late, have been thrown into situations that have given me the opportunity to give up or to be stretched. While having this choice I am acutely aware of what it would look like on both ends. The long road on either end doesn’t look too pretty but the end results are completely and utterly different.

_________________________________________________

Tonight I attended two fantastic churches. I attended them back to back and literally felt God moving in both communities. One service grabbed my heart. As we worshiped through Song and Response, His Word and Prayer… I felt STRETCHED. I felt a sense of wholeness in my brokenness. I felt God was on the move to Redeem hearts in that place and do it through the body of His people.

The second service I attended was alive. I felt like I could see vines and branches growing quickly and strong. I could see that the roots grew deep. At one point the pastor shouted, “WAKE UP, WAKE UP… WAAAKE  UUUP!” I found myself nodding a lot and saying “amen, amen!” (in my head, of course ) and it was amazing!

I am surrounded by a community of people who want to be there while I am being stretched and help me through this growing process. I AM BLESSED. so incredibly blessed.

_______________________________________________

I will choose to grow. To be moved and to be shaken. I will choose to be alive. To be the branches and let Him be the vine. I will choose to WAKE UP. To be a redeemed life and not a helpless one.

I have chosen to be stretched. To grow without tearing or breaking.

His praise will Always be on my lips.

This psalm seems to resurface in my life time and time again. If you haven’t heard the song by Jon Shirley, Psalm 34:1 you should! It continues to get me through the uninvited trials.

 

Psalm 34

¹ I will extol the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
² I will glory in the LORD;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
³ Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt his name together.

⁴ I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
⁵ Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
⁶ This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.
⁷ The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.

⁸ Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.
⁹ Fear the LORD, you his holy people,
for those who fear him lack nothing.
¹⁰ The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
¹¹ Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
¹² Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,
¹³ keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from telling lies.
¹⁴ Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.

¹⁵ The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous,
and his ears are attentive to their cry;
¹⁶ but the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to blot out their name from the earth.

¹⁷ The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
¹⁸ The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

¹⁹ The righteous person may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all;
²⁰ he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.

²¹ Evil will slay the wicked;
the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
²² The LORD will rescue his servants;
no one who takes refuge in him will be condemned.

 

Amen and Amen!

transition

Things are constantly moving, changing and rearranging. Right now I am in the midst of transition. It’s insane that in the such a difficult, stressful and overwhelming time in ones life God places people around you who are walking in the same path you are. The situation is different in each of my friends lives but they are nonetheless in transition.

I so often get caught up in my own head. I go in circles killing myself trying to think of what the right choice is… This can happen for hours, days and weeks on end. Ultimately, this life is not my own and these decisions are not meant to be made alone.

Therefore, I will lift them up to You.

To the only one who can bring me peace.

I will not let this choice consume me. I will let the Lord consume my thoughts and guide me in the right direction. Like I’ve said before (so cliche but true) “If He brings us to it, He will bring us through it!” I truly believe that. I’ve seen God bring me through some real “Hell on earth” situations. This seems easy in comparison.

I’m so forgetful but You always remind me.

You’re the only one who brings me peace.

my complaint

“But if I say, “I will not mention him or speak any more in his name,” his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.”

This was written in Jeremiah’s Complaint! Can you believe it? I wish all my complaints sounded like this!

God’s word has always been of value in my life. I remember going to church with my dad when I was younger and even then I sensed the Holiness of the scriptures. I understood as much as my 10 year old brain would allow that the Bible was not something to take lightly. I understood that it was God breathed and I was advised to be careful in interpreting what it had to say.

I think our modern day church forgets how Holy it truly is because it is so accessible. You could go to any bookstore, Christian or not, and pick one up. You could get a paperback, hardback or even a leather-bound Bible. THEY ARE EVERYWHERE!

It is in my opinion that because we don’t risk our lives just by holding one in our hands we lose sight of it’s value. People risk awful punishment for having a Bible in their possession. Punishment that is often times death. People willing to die just to read God’s word while we own 5, 6 Bibles and they’re sitting on our shelfs collecting dust! I point the finger first at myself. I am disgusted.

God’s word is of such great value.

Lesson to Self: Don’t lose sight of God’s word and it’s value in my life!

in case you didn’t know…

your laugh is contagious.

your humility is rare.

your integrity is brave.

your sensitivity is beautiful.

your smile makes you shine.

your character is strong.

your love and care for others moves me to tears.

your relationship with Christ is evident.

your heart makes me me feel alive.

your passions motivate me.

your sense of urgency to reach the lost let’s me know I’m not alone.

you challenge me…

you challenge me in my walk with God, my character and how I do life.

 

best friend, I can’t wait to hold your hand again.

I’m realizing more and more that no matter the circumstance, whether good or bad, I want to be standing by your side.

oh, and in case you didn’t know…

I bought your CD’s. I told you I was your biggest fan.