Eagle or Hummingbird?

I have been restless. I thought I was fine but I’m clearly not. I have been self medicating. I have been filling the empty spaces with “God things.” Going to church… multiple services. All the while avoiding community. I have attacked doing the “right things” in escape to truly HEAL. Sunday I attempted to attend 3 services in order to find my “home” church. Between meeting a friend and going to the second service of the day I was challenged not to go. To make the Gathering Network my home church. I left that conversation and headed to my car… I felt impaired. I could hardly move an inch. Jesus Culture played softly in the background as I stared at the clock. I sat there for what felt like seconds. It had been hours. I couldn’t move. I didn’t know why but I didn’t feel like I should go… then it hit me… GOD WANTED ME TO BE STILL.

I was so busy going to church services, catching up with people and spending time with my family that I couldn’t see the film and filth that was building over my eyes. I hadn’t cried in weeks. I broke down and allowed GOD to heal me. I sat for hours and filled page after page in my journal. I’ve been reading in Psalms a lot these last few weeks and ptL for David. Boy, can I relate.

I talked to one of my favorite people today… my friend and my mentor. I told her what had happened on Sunday and shortly after she said, “well, I had a vision yesterday and it wasn’t for me… it was for you.” I sat in silence. She proceeded to tell me that she saw an eagle soaring high in the sky.

She immediately thought of Isa. 40:28-31 which says,

²⁸ Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
³¹ but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

She then kept receiving the word “wooing.” Also for me. She told me that she felt like the eagle represented me and the wooing is what God was trying to do to me.

I was confused by the eagle part until she told me this…

She had once heard a woman in seminary preach about this comparison of an Eagle and a Hummingbird. She explained that eagles fly so high in the sky that they face rough winds and a lot of turbulence. However, when you look at an eagle they are always soaring with grace. You rarely see eagles flapping their wings rapidly. Eagles take rest in the strong winds and use it to help them fly.

Now, looking at a hummingbird you will notice that their wings flap rapidly and they have to work twice as hard just to stay afloat.

You see, before last Sunday I was the hummingbird. I was flapping my wings violently just to stay afloat. While I was spending my time doing “good things” they became distractions. It’s crazy to think but even going to church in that moment was a distraction.

God wanted me and me alone.

Since that day I have rested in the violent winds and turbulence. I don’t have to work for God’s love or affection. I don’t need to flap my wings violently just to stay afloat. God wants to carry me in this time. He wants me to rest in this hurt and pain that I feel. He wants to USE IT!

While this season in my life has been chaotic I have recognized my need for God… AGAIN. Don’t you love those times?? Seriously. When you have nothing to do but to RELY ON HIM!? It’s truly a beautiful thing. Scary. But beautiful.

Piece of advice: Sit back and let the wooing happen. He is trying to romance you wherever you are in life. He wants YOU. In my case it looked like this- Turn off your car, don’t go to church and sit down your Bible. It was truly a God moment.

For all you Bible scholars out there let’s not get our little prof panties in a bunch. I encourage the Word and believe it to be life changing. Yes, read it. Read it everyday. But every now and then… BE STILL. rest in Him.

I will hope in the Lord and let Him renew my strength. It is my hope that you will too.

Freedom and Rest will be found as I soar on wings like eagles.